Box Shaped

Recently I’ve been contemplating a lot on life and ministry and how we come to recognise where to go/ what to do within the towns or communities that we’re a part of.

One of the biggest issues I have seen people battle is the call to stay or go-whether to stay in their worldly lives or to step out in faith. Now I’m not saying here that this is a one size fits all debate because nothing in life is that simple.. however if you’ve been pondering this then please read on.

As a Christian we’re constantly reminded that God cannot be put into a box- we can’t just take aspects of him and use them to fit our lives as we see fit. Neither can we just let Him out for the Sunday services and then ‘put Him away’ for the rest of the week. God can not be contained into our boxes or our ‘normal’ 9-5 lives, He is infinitely more than we could ever imagine and I don’t know about you but I struggle putting my make up into a bag most days; I don’t wanna attempt to put our creator into a box?!

Now if we read the Bible (and I’m sure you do) we know and believe that God created mankind in His own image (Genesis 1) so if we wholeheartedly believe that our God created us to be like Him why do we insist on putting ourselves in boxes? We place insane limitations on our abilities without first considering that we are formed in His likeness- which means that we are able to do so much more than we realise.

So many truly talented and gifted people restrict their walks and ministries by saying ‘I’m not capable, I’m not called to go, I can’t do more because..’ when actually so many of them really are capable of so much more than they know, and will bless so many more people than they realise if only they believe in their abilities.

If Jesus can raise the dead and cause the blind to see, you can make a difference. You can do immeasurably more because not only is God with you but you are not created to be box shaped, you are not designed to be complacent and just observe the need around you.

I challenge you the next time you question whether you’re called to go- instead consider whether you’re called to stay; whether the life you have now is challenging and fulfilling everything that you desire to do for him. If it isn’t then I’d hazard a guess that God has something in store for you, something that otherwise you wouldn’t think that you’re capable of. If God doesn’t you want you to go out then the doors won’t open; He knows His plan for each of our lives- and that’s pretty awesome! The call to go doesn’t literally always mean to pack up and move away to reach new people- it’s the call to step out in faith into new territory and out of our own comfort zones and that can look different for every single person.

I pray that regardless of where you’re at on your walk; you recognise that God loves you and He will use you if you only step out and let him show you what he has in store. I pray that God shows his wonderful plans to you and that you are bold enough to step into them. I pray that you find somebody to speak into your life and be a source of encouragement when things get tough- and that you get to be that to somebody else.

But mostly I pray that we all can stop trying to put ourselves in the little boxes that this world creates, we are called to so much more.

Kirsty x

What it means to have a childlike faith.

I would like to say that the revelation I’m about to share came from deep study and prayer (eventually it did!) but the initial ‘wow’ moment was just watching our children play. How awesome that God speaks in those times as much as when we’re sat studying and praying.

My friend has the most beautiful little boy and he recently began to walk. It was while I sat watching him that I realised that it’s a perfect example to portray childlike faith.

Jesus asks for us to remain childlike because we are born to believe that our parents are omniscient – yup parents; your child expects you to know everything all the time (which explains the 10,000 questions a day I guess). But this I believe is key to the whole understanding of this idea.

If you watch a child that is learning to walk, they cruise along the furniture, initially really proud of themselves for getting up and doing something different. But when they come to learn how to walk and they take those first tentative steps then the faith really kicks in.

Anybody who has children or been around small children will know how exciting it is when a child is stood facing their parent and holds their arms out all wobbly and manages just to take those few small steps into their mum/ dads arms. Knowing that our children believe that we are omniscient and trust wholeheartedly in us makes that possible.

Children are born with total trust and reliance on their parents and slowly realise that they’re not always perfect, they don’t always have the answers.

If we learnt to walk as an adult when some of that faith had been stripped away would those steps look the same? Perhaps this is why we struggle with the concept of becoming childlike- we know that nobody has all the answers, nobody really wants what is best for us 100% of the time right? But if we could just go back to accepting and not questioning Gods reliability and steadfastness then I believe we’d all be like little children taking those tentative steps with our gaze totally transfixed on our parent (God).

Even if we don’t always hear the answers we want or fully understand what is going on we don’t have to lose that trust like a small child would- because we know that God is always faithful and always there wanting the very best.

Childlike faith doesn’t ask for answers and understanding, it just asks Him to understand and be there…

Kirsty x

Survivor not Victim

I recently read an article that quoted “I’m a survivor not a victim” with regards to sexual abuse. It struck me how profound this single line was- for years I was a ‘victim’, I hated the world and wanted some form of justice for anybody that had hurt me, and then I realised it wouldn’t change anything.  So I have something to say..

To the boys who have asked girls to do ‘what them girls do’- I forgive you.

To the colleague and old friend who assumed it was fine to make a move on a sixteen year old girl – I forgive you.

To the guys stalking girls because they wouldn’t give you ‘what you wanted’ – I forgive you.

To the guys spiking our drinks for your own satisfaction- I forgive you.

To the guys whistling and shouting horrid things down the street- I forgive you.

This week I’ve been thinking a lot and I’m tired with trying to ‘blame’ anybody, I’m fed up of people saying ‘this persons abuse victim speaks out’. Because putting it so simply would imply that it only happens to a few people or is only carried out by a few people.

I tried to talk to people, I told friends about that colleague and was met with ‘ah it’s just how he is he means no harm’, yet it seemed pretty terrifying to me. I told people about other incidents and have been met with ‘well what were you wearing?, why were you alone with him (a friend?), well you do wear make up to work and skinny jeans what is he meant to think?’

I have battled for years to understand how something that is in society’s eyes our fault can hurt so much, can lead to such a distrust of other people and devaluing our own bodies. Lately though I realised I’m not their victim, none of us are truely the victim of one person. I was a victim of society- a victim to the attitude that women are objects, toys to be used whenever you feel like it. A victim to the horrendous rape culture that states it’s our fault for dressing a certain way (skinny jeans apparently fit this too) or looking a certain way.

This isn’t to shame anybody or make anybody feel sorry for me- I’ve dealt with what I have been through and I’ve come out much stronger and more self aware.

There is just one thing I want to say to everybody who ever made me, or thought I was, a victim- I forgive you.

I forgive you for teaching me and many others that this world still has a lot to fix. I forgive you for teaching me to speak out and stand up for what I believe in under the worst circumstances- but because of this I am determined to drastically change this culture.

Statistics like this prove how far this world has to come; (full article found here).

• Approximately 85,000 women and 12,000 men are raped in England and Wales alone every year; that’s roughly 11 rapes (of adults alone) every hour. These figures include assaults by penetration and attempts.
• Nearly half a million adults are sexually assaulted in England and Wales each year
• 1 in 5 women aged 16 – 59 has experienced some form of sexual violence since the age of 16
• Only around 15% of those who experience sexual violence choose to report to the police
• Approximately 90% of those who are raped know the perpetrator prior to the offence (this one is the one that I found most unsettling).

I forgive you for the years of suffering and questioning myself, my identity and my worth- because I found God. I now know my worth and my strength and know that I am capable of making a difference to so many other people whether they view themselves as a victim or a survivor.

I forgive you for everything that gave me a purpose  because together with every other survivor, we will change societies view on women and abuse. We will make sure that young boys are taught to value their counterparts (and vice versa), we will teach our teenagers their self worth and that it should never be found in how another views you. We will change rape culture and end the attitude that it is still a woman’s fault- perhaps she should have dressed a little better, maybe she didn’t shout loud enough or perhaps didn’t fight back enough- no means no, period.

 

 

Day 114 of 365..

 

I’ve had a few people question why I’ve taken running back up and why I’m doing different things again so this seems like the best way to answer those questions  properly.

For years I’ve placed limits on my abilities- my ability to minister, to relate with people and to become physically fit again all because of anxiety. Anxiety that was telling me I’d never be good enough or I’d be mocked for even trying when in reality that’s so far from the truth- nobody would mock somebody for trying to better themselves.

After accepting a few new exciting opportunities that were so out of my comfort zone at the end of 2016 I decided to stop letting my anxiety control me. Instead I began to trust in God and myself much more and from that I made a crazy New Years resolution (yes I don’t usually agree with them either but please hear me out?).

Inspired by a beautiful friend who did something similar I decided that from 1 January- 31 December 2017 (and beyond..) I wouldn’t let my anxiety control my decisions- instead I began to pray properly and regardless of how fearful I felt  and really listen to God before I replied to any opportunities presented to me.

 

And then the lovely Naomi asked me on the 2nd/3rd January to do the tough mudder- it was like God was laughing in my face.. yes I was scared and should never have looked at the obstacles but five weeks into training and I’m running several miles, lifting weights again and doing more than I physically have since having children. All because I stopped building barriers with excuses and began to trust and believe that I can do things.

Exercising has really helped my mindset as well as my faith- I have time to think, listen and pray if I need to and there are so many good podcasts for when I’m working out on my own that I know it isn’t lonely and horrible (as I would have thought last year).

Fear and anxiety stole several years of my fitness and other areas of my life- now I know that my faith is strong enough to not let it control me anymore and I will make the most of every opportunity given to me. We never know if we’ll get those opportunities again so please don’t let your anxiety or fear control them and rob you of memories or strengthening your faith and relationship with God because when we trust him we are capable of much more than we ever thought we would be.

 

Kirsty

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A Benefit Cap at Christmas?

 

Before you you read this please know that I am not intending this to be political or biased towards any  class of person, my intentions are purely to encourage people to love more and help one another.

Today thousands and thousands of families and lone parents face dealing with huge cuts in their benefits, regardless of their social status I believe that as Christians, and also as compassionate human beings we should be encouraged to love and help eachother and this is a time when people really need help.

“Research by the Chartered Institute of Housing suggests 320,000 children will be affected (estimating 115,000 households are impacted) with families losing up to £100 a week” this was taken from this BBC article printed today. I work 40 hours a week and I know I couldn’t afford to pay for everything  if our income went down by such an amount so to me whether a person is working or unable to work now is irrelevant, it is weeks before Christmas and thousands of families with children are having to face potential homelessness or at very least huge cut backs.

I came across this illustration also from C.S. Lewis, One day, Lewis and a friend were walking down the road and came upon a street person who reached out to them for help. While his friend kept walking, Lewis stopped and proceeded to empty his wallet. When they resumed their journey, his friend asked, “What are you doing giving him your money like that? Don’t you know he’s just going to go squander all that on ale?” Lewis paused and replied, “That’s all I was going to do with it.” Whether you believe in stereotypes or not, our morning coffee or trip out for lunch occasionally is a luxury, one that many can’t afford right now and that is why I chose this quote. Some will always assume a stereotypical attitude and that is why I’m not intending to write politically, instead I am writing from a place of compassion and empathy less than 50 days before Christmas. Because there are so many children and families that regardless of that stereotype and whether they fit, need extra help now.

I’m not saying we should go and give everything we have (as much as that would be amazing), but even a small thing can make a huge difference to one of those families right now.

Foodbanks are incredible sources of help that are being used more and more, however they are not government funded. If we all bought something small on top of our shop that would go a long way to helping those who already need help plus these extra thousands of families.

As well as normal grocery shopping  please consider donating something fun like an advent calendar or selection box (or even small toys), these type of things may only cost you and I less than our morning coffee but they make a huge difference to a family at the bottom of their bank balance.

Local churches and children’s centres often do toy drives and contact the relevant authorities to distribute those.

As Christians we are meant to love our neighbours and surely that means helping them too? But regardless of your faith or beliefs we all have the ability to make a huge difference.

Call me old fashioned but I truly believe that it does take a village to raise a child, and right now I’m asking everyone to become that village and help in anyway we can to lessen the impact of this cap on those that really need help.

We cannot raise a future generation of leaders whilst knowing more and more of them are edging into poverty, so please consider giving up just a few pounds (or even time volunteering for those organisations that can help) and help to soften the blow for these families this Christmas.

Kirsty

No one has ever become poor by giving: Anne Frank 

 

Porn- It’s not OK

Lately I’ve seen more and more articles and blog posts on Facebook covering the topic of pornography and its effect on teenagers . I think it’s great that the subject is finally being discussed on so many platforms however the comments that follow those posts prove we still have a long way to go.

Studies that prove how many adolescent males view pornography follow with comments that encourage and cheer them on- despite the obvious negatives.  Articles proving that our teenage girls are suffering every day in school because of the expectations of their male counterparts lead to more victim shaming, ‘she knows what she’s doing’, ‘she could say no’ (this is the part that absolutely must change- victim shaming is never acceptable).

Sadly we live in a society where one of the most toxic addictions is handed to our adolescents on a plate, ready for them to access whenever and wherever they want. The most frustrating thing is that it is still viewed as ‘fun’ or ‘normal’- but it isn’t fun for the women who grow up trying to replicate what they believe males want.

It’s not OK  for girls who are assaulted and asked to do ‘what she does’ whilst being shown images or videos. If she doesn’t do it everyone in her class will be talking about how she’s a coward or a virgin (like it’s a bad thing) and if she does she’s called much worse.

It’s not OK  or normal when those expectations lead to years of being unable to view your body as more than something that should please men, it takes less energy and effort to raise a confident child than to heal a broken adult right?

It’s not ok when ladies are still hating their bodies and men are distant in relationships because of something they began watching years ago. Something has to change before more and more generations go through what ours did.

So I’m asking you, as a lady who has been working through that damage for the last ten years and has finally recognised it, to help our young people love themselves. We should be teaching them the value of every person not their potential as an image or ‘plaything’. We should be humanising those images and speaking out very honestly about the reality of porn culture because it isn’t going to go away by being ignored. Let’s be open and honest, standing together to change this culture for our children’s sake.

Kirsty x

Dancing in the Rain

Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s learning to dance in the rain

Thanks to social media and several  stores selling this quote as artwork it has become such a cliché. So many of us see it often yet probably pay very little attention to what it actually means.

 

For me the quote brought comfort at some low points; though if I’m totally honest I didn’t get up and ‘dance’, my response was more a blasé ‘I’ll screenshot this for later and share it to make myself look like I’ve figured it all out’.

Wrong ? Perhaps- but how many people can say they don’t do the same .. Social media makes it so so easy to make it seem like we have it all together and that those ‘storms’ don’t phase us. When in reality everyone reading this will be going through some kind of storm, whether it’s health, finances or relationships we all have battles to face.

This quote for me screams a message of defiance – there is no way I will let any circumstance grind me down, no way I’ll let any stress stand in the way of God’s plan for me and my family.

Dancing in the rain isn’t just putting on a fake smile and pretending we have it all together- it’s refusing to sit and dwell and hope that time stands still with you.. Because it won’t. Every moment we have wasted dwelling over those little things adds up to so much time we could have spent investing in our own or somebody else’s life.

When I think of my children and how excited they get if its raining heavily because there are puddles and ‘streams’ to jump around in I can’t help but smile and realise that we grow up with an over complicated attitude to problems.

If I let finances or health issues control every day I probably wouldn’t leave the house, I wouldn’t notice the smile on my daughters face every morning when she first sees me, or watch the flowers start to spring up as we walk to school every day.

Bad circumstances can be consuming (I haven’t always been strong enough to realise this) but we all reach a point where we need to focus on the here and now- if you can’t change what’s in front of you right now then put it to one side, Move on to the next step and make the most of the little things in life.

Ultimately when things are out of control it is our choice whether we hibernate and wait for the storm to pass, or whether we go out and dance into the next stage of God’s plan for us.

You’re worth more than your ‘self worth’

It is such a cliche to say that you are your greatest critic but; you really are your greatest critic & I am mine.

I have never been bothered by other people’s opinions because I know my life isn’t theirs to gossip about or insult.

If I am truly not phased by others opinions why do I find myself terrified of public speaking or being in charge? Why do I panic at the first thought of doing something new?

It isn’t incase people think I have messed up but because I don’t think I’m worth it.

I’m not saying I am totally worthless and should never be given room to grow. For me (and quite possibly for many of you) it runs much deeper than that.

When I think of myself I still instantly think of an anxious teenager from a less than ideal background desperate for love and identity. I know that God has saved me and brought me through so much rubbish and I know I am stronger than I ever imagined I would be and have more opportunities than I could have dreamed of (thanks to Him!)

I know it is incredibly hard to view yourself as capable of making a difference when so many people are in the spotlight for different things and you sit looking through Internet pages thinking ‘I could never do that I’m just me’, but yes you could do that.

You may be aware of all the stuff you’ve done and any of the verbal abuse you may have had through school or even bullying but nobody else cares (trust me they really don’t)

This world won’t be changed by perfect people with no past and no baggage – because they don’t exist.

Itwill be changed by those of us who take time to learn to love ourselves in order to love others and have a huge impact.

The beauty of salvation and grace is that none of that insignificant stuff has the right to ruin your future now. It means that regardless of how broken your family is you still have a solid identity. And it means that we are worth so so much more than we would have ever imagined.

Graceful Parenting

Some of my most vivid memories of my childhood are painful ones (well actually all of them are), sadly not just because of physical reasons but the things that were said. Verbal statements do much more damage to somebody trying to grow up in a world already full of unachievable high standards.

‘if you don’t do this then I won’t talk to you’

‘if you turn up pregnant at 16 I’ll kick you out’

‘if you become like x,y or z’ then you’re not our child’

Yes sure they are harsh examples but those statements have hung over my head (and several people who I know) to this day.

My biggest issue when I became a christian was trying to understand how God’s grace actually works; sure I ‘understood it’ but I don’t believe I fully accepted it until recently.

For four years I still mentally conditioned myself to being ‘the perfect daughter’, after all if earthly parents place so many conditions on love why wouldn’t God?

I’m not going to try to explain how I accepted that God’s grace (I don’t know how to put that into words yet), I want to ask that you consider the things you joke about to your children.

Saying they ‘shouldn’t’ do certain things- we all do it. However if we don’t teach our children the reality of having their own children young, of taking drugs, of refusing to stick with education then we are just adding to a list of rules.

Ultimately we need them to see the world for what it is, that includes everything that is in it; but most of all they need unconditional love.

I want my children to know that if they mess up I will never stop loving them, if they do something silly it isn’t the end of the world and my love for them doesn’t decrease.

The conditional love that I saw placed on everybody I was close to growing up was so hurtful and damaging and I believe that is why there are so many groups now dedicated to reshaping the way the future generations are raised.

I’m not saying children don’t need discipline; the opposite in fact, children need guidance and lots of it but there are ways to do it in love and not with fear. I’m the first to admit I do sometimes shout but we always talk it out and apologise to each other afterwards (she realises that I am human too and now laughs about it with me when I mess up!)

If God can accept us as His children and all of the hundreds of mistakes we make then it cannot be seen as fair to place conditions on how much you love your child.

It has taken me almost 7 years of parenting to realise that nothing my children do could make me love them any less, it actually makes me insanely proud to watch my oldest figure things out and think about the consequences now.

I believe that if we raise our children with the same grace that God shows us they would grow to be an incredible generation capable of anything.

Next Stop Please

Recently Dave and I were talking about how it just feels like we are stood at an underground station just waiting….  Except we don’t know what we’re waiting for, or where our ‘train’ will even be taking us. This made us feel slightly frustrated as we expected to have everything planned out and be able to plan and move towards the ‘next stop’ a little easier. However I’m now grateful that we don’t know what comes next and that we have this time just to ‘be’.

‘The small things matter the most’

Today it feels as though we have to constantly jump from one ‘train’ straight to the next one without taking a huge amount of time to process anything. Society expects everyone to leave school and go to college or enter into an apprenticeship, then you have to go to university or take the first steps to furthering your career. But don’t forget you also need to be trying to meet ‘the one’ too! Then you need the mortgage, and to travel.. and to have children. There doesn’t appear to be anyone telling our generation (or any other) that it’s ok to stop (or even just breathe!!)

In fact we need to stop, or at least pause just to take in exactly what has happened in our lives and properly consider and pray for what comes next.

We left university and moved to take time to invest in our little family unit before going on to whatever step of our life is next- it wasn’t always understood but I am so glad we did. I’m thankful for the calm after three years of a very crazy degree journey and two babies. Thankful for the peace and quiet and not having more pressure put on the kiddies.

If Jesus took time off to pray and rest and  be alone why would we think we can live without downtime? (Mk. 6:30-32, Mk. 7:24, Lk. 6:12-13.) Also God created the universe and even he needed to rest!!

Take a look at your diary and consider the next fully free day.. then think about how Jesus went about managing his time and ministry. Are you too busy to handle people suddenly needing your time or friendship? Did Jesus have to pencil somebody in for prayer three weeks later? .. Jesus modelled God’s intentions for us all yet we choose to ignore the way that he never rushed, he would stop and help anybody that needed it. There was no five year plan, no hidden agenda. Ultimately the human race was not designed to be placed under the intense stress and pressure that we face today.

We are human, there isn’t one person reading this that will have more capacity than any other- each one of us is capable of so much before we burn out. We need sleep, time between activities and time to properly rest. Also we need to find somebody that is willing to check if we are actually taking the time that we desperately need.

Don’t feel pressured into taking on more than you can handle, there are enough people in this world that can take over one thing that you can’t commit 100% to, and don’t feel that you need to be on the next ‘train’ journey straight after the last. Taking a break between life stages is never a bad thing!

 

I am grateful for having the last few months to slow down and help me to understand this so much better than I did, and I hope you consider whether you are making the best use of your time and energy.

Kirsty

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